The Damages of Divorce

 No matter what instigates it, who is involved, and what follows, divorce is never a positive addition to life. Unfortunately, divorce is all too prevalent in our society today. Over a quarter of all first marriages end in divorce. Even more frightening is that over 60% of people that get remarried then get divorced.

Let's take a look at three things you should know about divorce:

1. What increases your chance for divorce?

2. What are the negative effects of divorce?

3. If you do get divorced, how do you balance the aftermath?

I want to delve into each of these questions and discern how we can better be informed about divorce. It has a lot of damaging qualities, but sometimes it is necessary. Let's see how we can make sense of it.

1. What increases your chance for divorce?

There are many ways that people can set themselves up for divorce without even realizing it. Some of those include the attitude and perspective that you could get divorced. Having this as your thought process is a good way to have an "easy out" solution when times get hard. This could cause a couple to cohabit therefore disregarding necessary commitments until marriage is in place and commitment isn't as valued. It is three times more likely for cohabiters to divorce if they get married. It could also cause people to sign prenuptial agreement which literally prepare a couple and their assets and how to divide them in the case of a divorce. Just this act by itself is a display that the partners don't have faith in their commitment 100%.

Another likely indicator of divorce is the delaying of children. This could be either intentional or unintentional. By delaying children, it causes the couple to get comfortable in their two roles. Children often cause a reestablishment of roles including college careers and employment for one or both parents. If children are delayed for long enough, it can be a lot more difficult to reset these roles and could lead in divorce.

Other causes of divorce include miscommunication in sex life, financial disagreements, and infidelity. Infidelity in specific is a damaging cause specifically because it can sneak up on people. Sometimes it is even just emotional infidelity which wedges a rift between partners.

All this being said though, 70% of divorced people, 2 years later, have admitted that they regretted getting divorced and noted that they could have saved the marriage.

As easy as it is becoming to get a divorce and as hard as it is, divorce should not be our first result when a marriage is struggling. Let's look at the damages.

2. What are the negative effects of divorce?

Divorces do not just effect the couple that is being separated. It effects, their friends, relatives, and especially any children.

Children get hit the hardest in that they are in need of these two parental role models, but instead, have them separated. This often causes contention and for the children to pick sides. It can lead to a sense of competition to make the children like one parent over the other. It can also cause frustration and resentment in custody as children are forced to spend time with one parent and forced away from another. It gets rid of their sense of routine and causes chaos that is not healthy for their development.

Aside from the kids though, it can be emotionally exhausting for the parents. Oftentimes, the mother is left to take a lot of responsibility over the kids. Then the father is frequently charged to pay childcare support. It forces both parents to work harder to provide. Divorce also creates further difficulty in remarrying especially because so much time is given to the children now rather than dating.

3. If you do get divorced, how do you balance the aftermath?

However, some people are fully justified in divorce and in fact, should get divorced. This includes but is not limited to an abusive situation, unsafe conditions through alcohol or drugs, or even a death of a parent that forces the other person to be a single parent/person

When trying to deal with the aftermath of divorce, one should put the needs of any children first. Accommodate whatever will help them as normal as a childhood as possible particularly in how custody is set up.

In terms of creating blended families, there are a few guidelines. It should take at least 2 years to create "normalcy". Heavy discipline should come primarily from the birth parent. New parents should emulate fantastic aunts/uncles. Lastly, the remarried couple should be willing to council together on everything.

All of these steps are great, but the best thing to keep in mind is that if a divorce can be prevented, it should be prevented.