Coping with the Family Crisis

 There are thousands of troubles, trials, and hardships that can disrupt a family and cause a crisis. These disruptions can come through:

    Drug addiction

    Alcoholism

    Death of a loved one

    Sickness

    Mental illness

    Infidelity

    Unemployment

    Divorce

    Teen pregnancy

    House fire

      The list could honestly go on and on. The unexpected or undesired changes that pop up in homes can be extremely difficult to deal with. However, some families cope with problems better than others. Why is this?

    Before we can consider how to cope effectively though, we must consider what negative coping methods there are as well. There are many ways to react poorly to an undesirable situation, but here are a few of the common ways people do it.

    1. Denial

    Oftentimes, people will get into this mindset of not being able to accept the situation for what it is. They are defensive and refuse to acknowledge that something is wrong. This can temporarily help people at first if the denial serves to maintain emotions long enough to deal with responsibilities, but if it goes on too long, it can start to really hurt the person or the family.

    2. Avoidance

    When people avoid their problems, they avoid confronting or dealing with the steps it may take to recover even though they are acknowledging that it is there. Life denial, this can sometimes help, but more often than not it is disastrous especially if it has gone on for a long time.

    3. Scapegoating

    This refers to when a person puts all the blame on something or someone rather than taking their own responsibility. This way of coping is not effective at all and is detrimental to problem solving.

    Now that we know what not to do, what are we supposed to do?

    When a struggle comes up it is most effective to take responsibility, affirm your family's worth, balance self-concern with other-concern, adjusting your perspective, and using your resources. When all of these methods are put into use, a person can effectively use them to help deal with the problem at hand in a healthy manner.

    Let me introduce you to a woman I met who effectively used these coping strategies:

    I met a woman a few years ago. I will call her Lena for the sake of the story. Lena was a kind hearted woman and treated me like a daughter. She was always available to help and to give me rides and meals when I needed them. She never said a mean word about anyone and was very faithful. Lena lived pretty much by herself just a few blocks down from where I lived. She was divorced with three children, two of which were out of the house at this point. The third one spent most of his time at his dad's house as he didn't always agree with his mom's standards.

    One night, I received a text that simply said that Lena's 15 year old son had been killed. During the night, he had stolen his dad's truck and went for a joy ride. Going far too fast, he rolled the truck on the freeway and was killed on impact.

    I was devastated, but I was also interested in how Lena reacted. Though I knew she was grieving and I knew she was sad, she handled it incredibly. She didn't blame herself. She didn't blame her ex husband. She viewed it as a freak accident that was painfully sad, but not unfair. Lena didn't stop there though. She told people of her situation and didn't deny their help. People came over and kept her company. She reached out to her daughter and son-in-law and they came to spend some time with her. She was thoughtful, used her resources, and responded to the situation.

    I have heard stories similar to this one that did not turn out quite as well. The way we react and deal with stressors determine how bad a crisis will become in our lives and hoq quickly we and our families bounce back.