Our Private Contracts

According to the dictionary, a contract is “a written or spoken agreement, especially one concerning employment, sales, or tenancy that is intended to be enforceable by law.” By this definition, a contract for marriage almost seems too much like a business deal and not enough about love. However, sometimes, a type of contract is needed for a successful marriage.

There are three types of contracts I would like to go over in terms of marriage:

The first contract is called a prenuptial agreement. This is a legal document that is created prior to a wedding that protects and divvies out assets, determines how debts will be paid, and chooses which insurance coverage to have. It is a practical contract to have to protect both individuals in case of a divorce or even in the event of death.

The second contract is very similar. It is called a postnuptial agreement. This contract, however, is created after the couple is married. It protects and divides assets in case of divorce or untimely death. It is more common for couples to write up this contract if they have built up wealth since being married.

The last contract is a little less official. This is a contract that a married couple can make, preferably before the wedding, in order to set expectations on certain roles and actions done in the marriage. This kind of contract does not have to be some professional document printed off to declare which style of parenting will be followed. It is agreed upon guidelines to help the couple compromise. It is a private contract.

To create an effective contract, two people must be able to negotiate, set clear expectations, and make sure that everything is joint knowledge. This helps prepare the couple for potential clashes in different ways they live life. It will also help the couple prepare to start their own family and have children.

If a couple isn’t effectively prepared, it can damage the relationship between them once they begin having children. In this case, each child that is added to the family can cause tension between the parents. In some situations, this decrease in the relationship will improve as the children move out of the house, but in other cases, the relationship just continues to decline and worsen.

Creating a private contract helps the couple stay united and happy together even while adding children into the mix. A few ways that this can be done even during pregnancy includes: involving the father in pre-natal check-ups, engaging him in kicks and other pre-natal bonding events, assuring him that he takes precedence over anyone else during the birth, and so on. Just in these simple actions, both parents can start to feel equally connected to the child as well as to each other.

This concept continues on past pregnancy and into the life of the child. To prepare, a couple can discuss any potential changes and responsibilities that come with this child and how to best make sure everyone is involved and helping. It is important to offer validation and appreciation both ways no matter the father or the mother. Beginning a family is hard work and stressful so this kind of agreement will surely help keep the spouse’s relationship strong. The last part to this unspoken contract that could potentially help keep the relationship strong with all members of the family is a promise to help lighten one another’s load. Both parents are going to be tired, but if they can move past this and help out one another, there will be so much more respect and love.

There are many ways to create these private contracts and agreed upon expectations. It’s so important to maintain them though in order to keep the marriage satisfaction on a positive incline. Starting a family can be stressful and daunting, but with the right precautions, it will be a healthy and loving experience!